And no children, of course.
Do you ever have days where you feel like you could be the star of a reality television show? Days were your life is just completely bizarre and you can’t really believe it’s real? Well, I do.
Today, I was doing what college students everywhere are doing this time of year. Laying around in sweat pants, trying to finish those last-minute term papers and study guides. I hadn’t put a bit of makeup on or fixed my hair. Instead, I was trying my hardest to become one with Karl Marx’s economic theories.
This part wouldn’t have made a good reality show. No way. It get’s much better, I promise.
Of course, my study time was interrupted several time by potty breaks for Justice. He’s suddenly had a few setbacks on potty training, causing the last few days to be extremely rough.
About 9:30 I took Justice out the front door. As we were walking down the steps, I looked back suddenly realizing that there was a bird flying into the slightly opened glass door. At first, I denied that it had happened… Surely I hadn’t seen a bird fly into my house, right?
Well, I returned into the casa and sure enough, there was a little bird flying around my kitchen/ living room area. I grabbed Justice, bringing him back into the house. How was I going to get this wild animal out of my house?!?
I immediately grabbed my Blackberry, dialing Colby’s number. “Honey, you need to come home right now- I just let a wild bird in the house!”
“What the hell!? Are you serious? How did you do that?” If he’s really going to marry me, he better get used to things like this. I keep life interesting.
“Nevermind about how. Just get home. I can’t get it out alone.”
“Marla, I have to empty the planter. I’ve have to do that plot tomorrow.” (Ignore the business about the plot. It’s just farmer-mubo-jumbo- completely useless to our story.) Just remember, I’m a corn widow… except I’m not married yet.
“Okay, whatever. I’ll see if Ashley (my sister) will come over and help me.”
Well, Ashley was too busy laying in bed at nine-thirty to drive two miles to help her sister who was in desperate need. Lazy ass.
(A very real, unedited, crappy picture.)
At this point, I had a cat that was peering at the bird, a whining puppy, and everyone in the world refused to help me. I had been chasing the bird around the house, but it refused to fly back through the open door. I was in a sad, desperate shape. Suddenly, Justice suddenly took a giant poop right on the living room floor. I flipped out, screaming at the poor pup and taking him streight to his crate.
I called Colby back, except this time I was in the middle of a reality-show worthy freak out. I mean, I would have made Kate Gosselin look sweet. “You have got to come home right now and help me. I cannot get this bird out of this house.”
He began to make excuses, telling me to call Ashley, etc. It was the wrong thing to do. I was beyond mad, “Fine, I’ll just leave it in the house. Hell, Justice still craps everywhere so we might as well add a wild bird to the mix. It’s not like I have anything better to do then pick up poop. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
Colby suddenly realized that he needed to come home right away. My sanity and his house were both at risk. It was the first time that I have ever really flipped out on him. I mean, my face probably melted away while flame’s shot out of my ears. I was that mad.
We did eventually get the bird out of the house. Two people are always better than one when chasing a bird around. Luckily, I only had to clean bird shit off one wall in the house. Bonus points for me!
Please tell me about a bizarre, crazy thing that has happened to you. I need to read your stories to know that I’m not the only nut case in the world. Please.